Yesterday's announcement by Centrica-owned British gas of a record 35% price increase would have been enough for most of their long-suffering customers to content with, if it had been the only rise this year.

But it's not of course. Let's not forget the 15% retail price increase in January of this year, the 12.4% increase in September 2006 and the 14% increase in 2005. Taken collectively, they represent a non inflation-adjusted (but still gobsmacking) 96% rise in the last 3 years!

Of course British Gas blame the soaring costs of the wholesale gas market...and not all the wasted fuel, time, and effort for their moronic engineers to make 6 different visits to your house to fix your central heating system (this happened to a colleague of mine recently). And it's got nothing to do with the £1.9million pay packet of Centrica chief executive Sam Laidlaw.

And most importantly, it's definately got nothing to do with the fact that as a producer of gas as well as a purchaser, Centrica/British Gas is allegedly in a position to make unprecedented windfall profits on both sides of the equation...but since they don't reveal the profits they make as a gas producer, we probably will never know the full picture.

So we can all be rest-assured that the Centrica group profits of £10billion (not to mention the £992million operating profit) reported in Centrica's interim profit statement (June 2008) have absolutely nothing to do with any form of price gouging by a bunch of thieving, greedy, selfish, small-minded, myopic, fat-cat bastards, whose only purpose in life is to screw every penny of of those of us unfortunate enough to be their "customers".

Isn't that nice to know?

The energy saving tips from the Centrica website are of course rather useful (though hardly earth-shattering), and I'd like to add a couple of my own, starting with this:

Change your energy supplier as soon as possible

...and now the finer detail

1. Have separate suppliers for your gas and electicity. Remember that bloke in the suit that you met outside your local supermarket awhile ago? You know...the one who persuaded you to get your gas company to also supply your electricity? Sorry - but it was largely a con! You haven't saved very much and worse - you are now completely at the mercy of a single supplier. If you get stroppy with them, they can now cut off both your gas and electricity!
2. Compare your options. It's much easier now than it was even a couple of years ago. There's a number of websites such Switchwise that will help you figure out the best option for you in terms of usage, price etc. So turn off that TV (it's all crap anyway!) and get surfin'
3. Use a green electricity supplier. When you decide to switch your electricity supplier, consider a green alternative such as Ecotricity, who not only use renewable energy resources to generate electricity, they also reinvest a hefty portion of their earnings into expanding their wind farms. This has allowed them to offer a competitive pricing tarrif, which also helps lower carbon emissions and best of all, it takes money out of the Pockets of Sam Laidlaw and his Centrica cronies.
4. Produce your own juice. The technology to produce your own electricity has moved on in leaps and bounds. Companies such as Bioplex Technologies are developing small-scale versions of industrial composting facilities, suitable for use in offices, prisons, hospitals, schools and...eventually...homes like yours. Not only do they make compost, but they also produce enough methane and biofuel to meet a sizable portion of your energy needs. It's not all the way there yet, but it's not far away so keep an eye on the news...

Oh - and here's a few other general tips you might find interesting.

Good luck and remember...every quid you take from Centrica is worth almost two quid in non-inflation adjusted profit.

News today that the Welsh town of Aberystwyth continues to ban Monty Python's classic film "The life of Brian" almost 30 years after it was first released, made me laugh out loud.

According to the BBC, this came to light after Sue Jones-Davies (who played Brian's girlfriend in the movie), became mayor of Aberystwyth and was "amazed" to find that the cult film was still barred from cinemas there.

And local christians including Mr Bell, vicar of the town's St Michael's Church, say the restriction should remain in place. Of course Mr Bell has never actually seen the film, but no doubt God has described the plot to him (it is by all accounts one of God's favourites).

Apparently, a committee of church leaders in Aberystwyth recommended a ban in 1979 which was approved by Ceredigion council. The council of course have the power to lift the ban, but by all accounts no-one in the licensing department even knew the ban was still in effect. Let's hope they rectify this silly sitch and drop-kick the ban out of one of the last bastions of medievil mentality, left in this green and pleasant land.

Oh, and a couple of points for Mr Bell and his "supporters":-

• Congratulations! The recent publicity about this ban has probably guaranteed a small rise in DVD sales of the film.
• The film is a comedy but is NOT a comedy about Jesus (though he does have a small cameo role).
• Jesus is big enough to laugh off any parody or satire. Honest!
• Welease Bwian!

Fantastic clip of the Beeb's website today of 13-year old Calvin Prior, who is minting it in as a busker, playing his electric guitar on Brighton's seafront...and making an average of £70 an hour.

And when you see the video, you can see why!

Cal's dad (who plays in his band because Cal can't find other musicians of his age who can play well enough) says he practices about 6 hours a day...and he mastered a number of popular riffs (including the eponymous GnR classic 'Sweet child o mine') in the first few weeks of playing!

Cal is currently saving for a a new £1100 marshall amp, which he hopes to have saved enough for, by August. His £2000 guitar has already been paid for, from previous busking.

Cal even receives the ultimate compliment in the vid (at least in British terms)...two kids busy eating ice cream pause long enough to say:

..."yeah, he's good"

Way to go Cal!

Quite stunned to read this morning about the family court in New Zealand who were forced to make a 9-year old girl a ward of state, in order to help her change her name legally from...get this: "Talula Does The Hula".

Sheesh!

Now, I've personally known a couple of good Kiwi blokes with dodgy names including: "Donald McDonald" (bad) and: "Dwayne Kerr" (worse! much worse!), both of whom have always had my heartfelt sympathy and honest respect...especially after years of bullying (which only served to make them both harder than a coffin nail and certainly capable of cheerfully beating the living crap out of anyone who took the proverbial), but by comparison to this poor kid, they got off lightly!

Not only should the court have taken the action it did to help this poor kid, but they should have also jailed the parents for inflicting mental and emotional damage on her.

Weirdly, New Zealand (a country sensible in most respects) seems to turn these out every now and again...in the past we have had people legally name their kids things like:-

• Benson and Hedges (they were Twins!)
• Number 16 Bus Shelter
• Six-cylinder Ford cars
• Violence

No idea what makes them do it...perhaps it's something in the water (or...more worringly in the beer!), but whatever the cause is, we need to fund some sort of research program, in order to identify the cause and cure.

And in the meantime, we ought to chain the guilty parents to the nearest cell wall and let their long-suffering offspring bitch-slap them into a coma.

A couple of weeks back, during one of our occasional evening chats, Su was telling me about a book called "Time Enough for Love" by noted Sci-fi author: Robert A. Heinlein.

In this book, the main character Lazarus Long (who as part of a genetics rejuvenation experiment has managed to live over two thousand years) has a conversation, in which he states:-

"A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects."

Hmmm...well I can certainly do/have done a fair few of these, though admittedly it's been awhile since I helped butcher a hog and I've yet to conn a ship, design a building or die gallantly (how the hell would you do that anyway?).

I'm not sure I agree with Long's rationale or particular list, but it did get me thinking about what my own list of things a human should be able to do might include and why...and since my writin' time is limited (as is your readin' time), I thought I'd better limit it to 10 items max. You can take the diaper changing and cooking items from long's list as a given.

1. Make a fire - without the aid of any form of accelerant. Matches / lighter permissable but that's it. You should be able to otherwise build a fire from tinder, to kindling, right through to a hearty blaze, at least suitable for cooking.
2. Build a shelter - With the aid of simple tools such as a knife, hatchet or small saw. It should be strong anough to see you through a bad storm for a couple of days.
3. Communicate in a non-native language - doesn't have to be a spoken language - it could just as easily be something like sign language. And you don't have to direct a light opera or anything...the main criteria here is just to be able to communicate a few simple things ('hello', 'goodbye', 'please', 'thanks', 'what's for dinner?', 'where's the loo?' that kind of stuff) in a language that is not your native tongue.
4. Create something - paint a picture, write a poem or play, carve a piece of furniture, perform a dance, play a musical instrument, program a computer - whatever! Just something that occasionally allows you to make something, no matter how good, bad or intangible it may be.
5. Perform basic first aid - patch a cut, treat a burn, tie a splint or sling, stop bleeding, perform CPR and mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.
6. Do basic maths in your head - add, subtract, multiply and divide basic integer values. How else can you be sure you get the right change in the shop, your tax return is correct or the interest payments on your loans are competitive?
7. Make something grow - from a lovingly tended Berkshire garden spanning acres, to a windowbox full or herbs in a council flat in Brixton. It's pretty easy and it's a great feeling. That of course includes your kids.
8. Look after an animal - know how to properly treat and care for a pet, whatever that may be to you. No matter whether your pet is a horse in a field, or a goldfish in a bowl, the important thing is knowing how to look after the pet and doing it.
9. Drive a vehicle / perform basic maintenance - applies to everyone who is physically fit and able enough to do so. You should be able to safely change a tyre, check all fluid levels and identifiy exhaust / emissions issues.
10. Make a reasoned argument - listen to both sides of a debated issue, and then be able to ask questions, analyse the answers and formulate an informed opinion. Know how to research an issue and how to verify sources. Be able to rationalise a short train of logical thought (be able to think from A to B to C)

...what would your list include?

You know it's funny...every time I think that Sir Humprey's snivil servants and the Whitehall worms can't possibly screw up anything else, I read another story which illustrates even more monumental failings.

The recent reluctant admission by the Ministry of Defense, that more than 100 USB memory sticks, some containing secret information, have been lost or stolen from the Ministry of Defence since 2004, is a new low in data protection balls-ups.

And if the memory sticks weren't bad enough, the MOD also admits that nearly 650 laptops have also been stolen from their offices in the same time period.

Of course the MOD didn't make this announcement voluntarily. If it hadn't been for Liberal Democrat MP Sarah Teather tabling a question in parliament, we probably still wouldn't know about it. Furthermore, the laptop figure at least only includes laptops identified as stolen...but not the number that have been lost (that probably needs another question).

And despite all the evidence to the contrary, the MOD continues to insist that it's security policies were "generally fit for purpose".

This comes only a couple of days after the Sunday Times and the Beeb both reported that there are now more than 1,000 laws and regulations which permit officials to force entry into homes, cars and business premises.

Does anyone out there still believe that:-

a) The government can be trusted with our personal details for use with ID cards?

b) Much of the more recent legislation, ostensibly created to "prevent terrorism" was indeed intended to do just that and is not intended to give the snivels ever more power over us peons?

If you answered "Yes" to either question, please send me your e-mail address, so I can reply with the name of a good shrink (or I can try and get you in on the ground floor of this great pyramid scheme I've heard about).

This probably goes some way to explaining why a growing number of us feel more and more like extras in some sort of bizzare Chaplinesque comedy...that happens to be in colour and have sound.

If we are really serious about defeating terrorism and simultaneously protecting human rights, the best thing we could do would be to box up all these arseholes and ship them to Iran, North Korea and Zimbabwe.

Within a month, they will have lost Mugabe's vote count tally's, Kim Il-sung's porn collection and Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's nuclear blueprints. At the same time they will have introduced a whole raft of new laws which deny any form of privacy to the masses, who - since they aren't British - will rise up and kill them all.

...and the rest of us will live happily; if not ever-after, then at least for awhile.

Our new blog is finally online ... albeit with only some of the previous comments at present (I'm still trying to get to grips with the new B2 blog software), but enough to be going on with ...

Enjoy!

Photos now available - Check em out!

What can I say? A good gig (especially Sunday). Beautiful weather, excellent music from both classic and more contemporary acts. A little more commercial now that the Hard Rock cafe have taken over but not unbearably so.

All in all, a great weekend, spent with good friends in a pretty cool place.

Thanks folks!